Dearest Quinsy,
i understand where you're coming from because I myself have been there at that point of time and now I've come back. And you know what? the beauty of God's love is that he'll love us no matter how far we've gone astray from him. He'll forgive us of even the most horrible sins we've committed because he is truly a merciful and wonderful God. You are always welcomed into God's open arms, despite the fact that you have drifted from him. It's all about having faith in him and praying to him to help you get back on your feet, to grant you confidence to face life's trials& tribulations. Quinsy, I believe all the stuff you've been experiencing are merely a phase all teenagers go through at some point in life. Hopefully, your time will come to get out of that dark hole and move on to better things and to enjoy life and the people who love you, expecially God.

Dearest Quinsy, this is a sinner's prayer that I have read myself when I am in doubt:
Lord Jesus Christ,
I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life.

Please forgive me. I now turn from everything which I know is wrong.

Thank you that you died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free. Thank you that you offer me forgiveness and the gift of your spirit. I now recieve that gift.

Please come into my life by you Holy Spirit to be with me forever.
Thank, Lord Jesus.
Amen

Quinsy, you are in my prayers and know that God loves you and so do I